Enough.

Okay, hear me out. You don’t know how many times I sat down and wanted to write, but something stopped me from doing it. Whether it was having friends over, work, or simply because I did not really feel like it. And now that I feel like it, I’m drawing a complete blank.

Over the last couple of days, my head was FILLED with ideas and topics I wanted to share words about, but now… there is nothing.

So I did what every millennial and Gen Z would do and asked ChatGPT to give me one topic or word I could write about. And as I, of course, use ChatGPT as my mental dumpster like hopefully everyone else does (please tell me I am not alone with this), it gave me one word.

And this word is a word I have struggled and fought with for a very long time now, and maybe now is the time to carry that internal battlefield out into the world. I also have a feeling many of you don’t have a very close and loving relationship with this word either.

Enough.

The word I got as inspiration to write about is: Enough.

I want to scream at it, but at the same time I can’t stop a part of me from laughing.

Enough.

One word. Two syllables. Six letters. And an entire generation at war with it.

Do you feel like you are enough? Like, at whatever state you are in right now, you as a person and what you do with your life are enough?

If you would’ve asked Nicole from last year, even weeks ago, hell, even from one hour ago when I got up, I would’ve said no.

To give you one specific example: I am currently desperately trying not to doomscroll right before sleeping and after opening my eyes in the morning again. The evenings are going kinda well because I charge my phone overnight outside my bedroom.

The mornings, however.

I get up. Stop my alarm. Take my phone. And lie back down in my bed and start scrolling through Instagram.

And why?

Because one part of me refuses to fight and feel cranky when getting up. So I want to make myself comfortable and start my day slowly and in peace (which does not work with my work schedule, but that is a very different topic).

And what is the problem with starting my day slowly and in peace by scrolling through Instagram and letting my body and brain slowly come to life instead of getting up immediately and feeling like a bag of trash for exactly 5 minutes?

The pressure I, social media and basically the societal bubble I live in put on me.

Because apparently it is unhealthy and weak to start your day on the phone and not do something for your physical and mental health immediately. Because apparently sometimes you just have to push through those uncomfortable minutes in the morning. Otherwise, you just don’t have the mental drive. Otherwise, you don’t live up to your potential like apparently everyone else does.

Otherwise, you might not be enough.

Spoiler: You are enough.

Choosing what you want and not what you are supposed to want is more human and healthy than you might think it is.

Staying in bed and being late because of it? Perfectly fine, because maybe those are the only 10 (or 40) minutes you feel comfortable on this day. So I think it is perfectly fine to choose comfort in this scenario.

But also, as I am writing these words, I think I believe we would feel more comfortable during the day if we kept the promise we made to ourselves in the evening and got up right away in the morning.

Because in my case, I would’ve felt cranky for 5 minutes, yes. But I also would’ve had 40 minutes more to get ready and write these words.

And now I have 10 minutes to dry my hair, pack my bag and get outside my apartment because otherwise I will be late for work.

Again.

Which makes me feel kinda cranky starting right about now as I glance at my watch, telling me there are now 9 minutes left. And I will continue to feel cranky until I arrive at work and make sure no one is mad at me.

Which will be in about 1.5 hours.

So.

Moral of the story: We are enough. Even when we choose to live a tiny bit differently from the oh-so-perfect longevity generation and doomscroll first thing in the morning. And we are still enough if we are way, way, way too late for work because of it. And we are still enough if we are a tiny bit angry with ourselves because of it.

But next time, maybe we (me, myself and I) get up when we planned to get up and live with 5 minutes of crankiness instead of 1.5 hours.

6 minutes until I have to leave.

A battle I already know I will loose.

Be kind. Much love,

Nicole

PS: I left my apartment exactly 20 minutes too late.